by Todd H. (Click Here to see Todd's Website)
(Appeared in the Society of Janus' June newsletter, Growing Pains)

When I first heard about this class down at the Scenery, I wasn't sure whether or not I wanted to attend. The prospect of building an electrical play toy wasn't the problem, it was more the fact that I hadn't built anything remotely electrical since Electric Shop in 7th grade some 30 plus years ago! And as I recall, I barely survived that class. So my knowledge of "electrical unit assembly" was to put it mildly, rather poor. But I also knew the Battery Boys' (our own Uncle Abdul and Tom aka Zed) knowledge of the topic matter was quite likely unsurpassed in our local community.

So on a rather cool and overcast late April Saturday afternoon, I drove down 880 to find out how I too could put together and be the proud owner of my own electrical toy. As we gathered and sat down at various tables, some of us commenting that it had been seemingly the "Stone Age" since we played with things like soldering irons and resistors. In fact, the one thing I did think was cool in Electric Shop so many years ago were those tiny resistors. I was trying hard to remember the resistor color code I had to learn so long ago.

And the class began. Unc and Tom both did their intros amongst a bit of levity, more I guess to make us all feel comfortable. I still was feeling some slight bit of panic, wondering if I could really "build" one of these things mentioned in the class announcement. Unc then launched into a brief safety discussion, using his two by now famous demos. I say famous only if you've seen them before.

The first "demo" was his "20 dollar bill" trick. He invited an attendee to try and catch a 20 dollar bill he dropped. The attendee failed to grab it after Unc dropped it. Hence, Unc's first point: It only takes 200 milliseconds for it to drop, much faster than most people can react. And yet 2 milliseconds or even one millisecond is all it takes for damage to result if something goes wrong with the electrical until you're using on somebody. It is for this among other reasons that electricity play can also be considered "edge play."

And then came the second "safety demo." Unc brought out his "9 inch piece of meat," a slab of raw beef that he stuck two electrodes in that were hooked up to a light, to demonstrate the electrical current can run through you. As the light remained on, someone in the audience asked if that piece of meat would remain uncooked forever and Unc pointed out the worst that could happen was that it would be converted to a "gelatinous state of goo" but otherwise no. But again the main point of these two safety demos was to remind people to have a very healthy respect for electricity and be aware of the dangers of it. As he puts it so very bluntly, "Understand electricity because you can't turn it off fast enough." Good point!

We then took a ten minute break and during the break, Tom passed around the components: electrodes, potentiometers (little volume control knobs for you non-techie types), resistors, and connectors. I looked at the items and thought "oh..piece of cake." As it turned out, I was a bit wrong, but anyway after the break, Tom then passed around what can only be called a "secret" remote control consumer device.

Tom has a passion for Hitchcock and build the suspense around what the device was with a skilled hand and made me promise not to tell. The look on everyone's faces when he told us what we were to use can only be described as incredulous with a large topping of humor. After all these are the Battery Boyz, and they guaranteed everyone would leave with a working remote TENS, but still, consumer remote control devices that would be converted into remote control TENS units! Oh boy!

Frank and Tom then led us into describing the process to convert them. First disconnect and removing the existing human interface component, cutting down the pot so it would fit inside the unit, bending the leads on it, bending other wires, soldering the items on each other, and so forth. the speaker wires, then take out the speaker, cutting down the pot so it would fit inside the unit, bending the leads on it, bending other wires, soldering the items on each other, and so forth. Easy right?? WRONG.

I did get most of the work involved in doing all this on my own, but when Frank & Tom told everyone to test their units by attaching the electrode clamps to the speakers, mine didn't work. At this point, some of the units were making those same disgusting sounds, (someone next to me commented on what the people next door must be thinking) but mine remained silent. After a couple attempts by my "neighbor" sitting next to me to properly solder it, Tom came over and "took over." Attempting to solder different wire connections several times, he couldn't get it to work either. Until he noticed one of my batteries in the unit (yes, these toys are battery-operated!) was facing the wrong way. He quickly changed it and voila..my new toy worked. I never was so relieved to hear harsh TENS noises! Go figure. BTW, these toys are battery-operated, completely safe below the waist and short circuit proof.

I fully expected to see lots of folks from the class that evening at the Scenery eager to test their new toys and while I didn't, I fully expect them to start appearing there soon. In my case, since I don't have my very own sub to try mine on (any volunteers out there?), I guess I'll have to wait to find a "victim" to try it on. Ah well. Given the fun and entertaining time had by all (The Boyz got a standing ovation from most in the class), I suspect we'll be seeing lots of these do-it-yourself toys in the local community very soon.

PS Everyone's unit worked by the end of class and we all received a 15% discount at Leather Masters for the next 12 months. If your interested in building a fun toy that can't be bought commercially check out http://www.uncleabdul.com/UAwebBB.htm