By Uncle Abdul

You can tell you're an SM oldtimer when...

...a cane is now something that helps you walk rather than being applied to a naked ass of some young lovely.

You can tell you're an SM oldtimer when...

...a disco beat brings back delightful memories of floggings to the wee hours rather than polyester suits and John Travolta

You can tell you're an SM oldtimer when...

...you get turned on by the smell of vegetable shortening

You can tell you're an SM oldtimer when...

...a wicked smile crosses your face upon hearing the Hallelujah Chorus

You can tell you're an SM oldtimer when...

...'Whipper's Elbow' is no joke

You can tell you're an SM oldtimer when...

...you remember the 4 slaves with their collars chained together at the Church Street Station and their needing to go to the single-holer potty there

You can tell you're an SM oldtimer when...

...at one time the only floggers made were John Norman's and your homemade one

You can tell you're an SM oldtimer when...

...'Gor' was passible sci-fi one-handed reading rather than an online lifestyle

You can tell you're an SM oldtimer when...

...you perceptibly gulp at finding YOUR copy of SM-101 in your teenager's room--and it's dog-eared (... and you use bookmarks)

You can tell you're an SM oldtimer when...

...you know that your aunt's heavy duty eye bolt in her ceiling is not just for hanging her Boston Fern

You can tell you're an SM oldtimer when...

...you've forgotten that the term 'good marks' also has an educational meaning

You can tell you're an SM oldtimer when...

...you remember that play party food was something potluck you brought along with you

You can tell you're an SM oldtimer when...

...you still remember that at the first few early Janus meetings at Cythia Slater's each of you was wondering who the vice squad plant was

You can tell you're an SM oldtimer when...

...you can win hands down if they ever invented an SM version of Trivial Pursuits where the terms 'Earthsign Books', 'Sid and Dora's', and the like wouldn't throw you

You can tell you're an SM oldtimer when...

...decimal was the only way to count off cane strokes rather than in binary, octal, or hexadecimal

You can tell you're an SM oldtimer when...

...you remember the very first time the Janus membership list was computerized, and all of February's re-ups got lost

You can tell you're an SM oldtimer when...

...in just 5 years you've become a Janus 'institution' (is that good?)

You can tell you're an SM oldtimer when...

...you remember when Uncle Abdul wore a fez

You can tell you're an SM oldtimer when...

...you remember that somebody actually got a piece of the Stuff and Lick pizza mailed to them in the same envelope as their GP

You can tell you're an SM oldtimer when...

...at one Stuff and Lick, more than just envelopes were licked (and hoping that the statute of limitations has expired)

You can tell you're an SM oldtimer when...

...the same arguments and complaints you heard about in your time are the same as now--except that now it's on electronic mailing lists

You can tell you're an SM oldtimer when...

...there once was actually a Mr. S at Mr. S (Alan Selby)

And finally...

...you miss half or more of these punchlines

Chao-4-Now

Unc'